Driving Your Resume Off the Employment Highway – Funniest Resume Bloopers

Like a computer, resume outcome is only as good as the input. It only takes a small resume oversight to run your career off the job search highway. Often individuals will bring in unsuccessful resumes for review, only to find that with care, errors could have been avoided. Here is content from a few examples:

  • Certifications: Notary Republic
  • Completed evening shit work. (Too bad about the f in shift.)
  • Interests: Women and fishing, not always in that order.

Women or fishing. Resume Bloopers.

  • Social Worker: Assisted undeserved populations.
  • Resume with a picture of a tombstone on the front which read, “This Could be You!” On the back was a resume with an opening indicating the consequences of passing up this candidates excellent background.
  • Retail Clerk: Pretended to be interested in clients so they would buy stuff.
  • Administrative Assistant: Supported staff in daily activities… basically the office bitch.
  • Reasons for leaving the last three jobs. 1). Boss was crazy. 2). Boss was crazy. 3). Boss was crazy.
  • Adept at daily flogging.

Daily flogging. Resume Bloopers

  • Called potential customers for aluminum siding sales preferably while they were eating dinner.
  • Hospital Engineer under personal: Married to Boffo the Clown, available for children’s parties.
  • Proofreader: Ensured eror-free copy.
  • Can solve a Rubik’s Cube in under a minute
  • Can drink a gallon of milk in 10 minutes

Funny milk humor resume

  • Can recite Pi up to 500 digits
  • Can charm anyone, even a pigeon
  • I’m a big dude so I can handle myself in a fight
  • Experienced drinker and party animal. I’m comfortable with working in environments with drunk people.
  • Can hold five baseballs in one hand
  • Gator hunting
  • Understood the movie “Interstellar”
  • Can cook Minute Rice in 58 seconds

Worried that mistakes on your resume are holding you back? Schedule a free appointment to speak with a professional resume writer. Call 1-800-730-3244 to speak with a resume professional today.

If you don’t think you need to have someone look at your resume, take the quiz below.

Should you write your own resume quiz.

Answer these questions.

1. True or False. A resume should always be one page.

Answer: If you answered true, then you should consult a professional

Answer 2: If you still think the answer is true, you REALLY need a professional.

2. Given a choice, you should have a friend, neighbor or relative write your resume or fix your brakes on your car.

Answer: It is more dangerous to have a non-professional write your resume than it is to have them fix your brakes. Your career can have a value into the millions and a poor resume will keep you from the best opportunities where as a bad break job has a much lower risk potential.

3. What is the best day to apply for a job?

Answer: Ask a professional resume writer or ask your neighbor who just fixed your brakes.

4. It is cheaper to write your own resume?

Answer: The bigger question is what would be lost by not having your resume done professionally. If for example, it took six months to find out a home made resume wasn’t working, then the cost of doing it yourself might be ½ a year’s pay which is definitely more than a resume writer would charge you.

5. What could possibly go wrong when doing my own resume?

Answer: Please reread this article from the top of the page.


About RazorEdgeResumes

RazorEdgeResumes is the executive resume writing division of A Better Resume Service, Inc., with more than 25 years of professional resume writing experience. We offer a full range of resources to help you get the job you want, from cover letter writing and personal branding to LinkedIn profile optimization. We provide personalized services focused on your specific situation and needs. With a proven track record of helping clients in all sorts of industries, put your trust in RazorEdgeResumes to help you take your career to the next level. Don’t miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime because you aren not prepared. Send us your resume for a free consultation by one of our experienced writers and see what we can do for you. Email your resume to resumes@razoredgeresumes.com or call 1-800-730-3244.

For more resources, visit Job Search Success Central where you can find advice on how to optimize your job search and tailor it to the career you want.


About Peter J. Hunter

More than 10 years experience as an Executive Resume Writer assisting company leaders and Fortune 500 executives in the preparation of dynamic job search documents.
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